


The Hobbit Shenanigans

by Lady_Lou_Of_Lothlorien



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-26 00:17:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17735399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Lou_Of_Lothlorien/pseuds/Lady_Lou_Of_Lothlorien
Summary: This is a collection of reader-insert one shots with various characters from The Hobbit. All of these have been posted to tumblr as well under the same username as I have here, this is just a place to collect them all together. I hope you enjoy. More tags and relationships will be added as more one-shots are written.





	1. Thorin x Reader || Accidental Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Synopsis: Thorin storms into the forest in a huff after witnessing you being affectionate to another dwarf. You follow him.
> 
> Pairings: Thorin x short!human reader
> 
> Warnings: Not really, but ‘you’ get a little emotional.
> 
> Word count: 2027

The company were gathered around the firelight, huddled as its rays bounced across their cheeks and glittered on the silver beads in their hair. You looked up and saw the stars through the sparse clouds in the sky.

“It’s lovely tonight” You murmured quietly and looked back down again to where Bombur was stirring that evening’s supper. He smiled jovially at you before beckoning to you conspiratorially for you to taste. Grinning, you stood up and snuck over as silently as you could. Most of the dwarves were deep in conversation with each other and Bilbo was off speaking with his pony again. He thought no one had noticed him sneaking treats to her, but everyone in the company found the habit so endearing that they’d calculated the amount of food into their rationing system. Not that their rations were very fixed- what they ate was often just what they caught whilst hunting.

You wiggled your way over and bent down slightly, tucking your hair behind your ear so it didn’t get in the food as Bombur held up a spoon for you to sip from. You tasted the food and pretended to consider your opinion whilst the dwarf watched on with wide, hopeful eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh, quickly giving him a thumbs up. “It’s delicious- keep up the good work!” The delighted smile on his face was enough to warm your heart, and you kissed his forehead fondly before going back to your original seat. In the short time you had been in the company, the dwarves, the hobbit and the wizard had become immeasurably dear to your heart. Strangely you almost felt like a mother to them, even though their years far out-numbered yours.

Unbeknownst to you, your interaction with Bombur hadn’t gone unnoticed. In fact, it had been watched by a certain pair of intense eyes.

The line between Thorin’s eyebrows was set deep as he frowned, almost as if it had been carved into him. He had been happily watching your face under the protection of the night where his watchful eyes wouldn’t be spotted. Almost as soon as he had met you, he had known he was in trouble. Your sweet temperament and soft, beautiful features had caught his attention within hours and now, about a month later, he was head over heels for you. His love ran deep and true, but so did his protective nature. This also led to moments of jealously which were hard for him to keep under control.

So now having witnessed you  _tenderly_  kiss another member of the company, he stood quickly and stalked off into the forest to cool his head. He would go over the fact that it was only a kiss on the forehead, that it  _didn’t mean anything_ , but that would take at least 20 minutes to sink in properly and he didn’t want to lose his head in front of the company.

“What’s his problem…?” You asked, loud enough for everyone around the fire to hear. There were soft murmurs in response but no real answer. The dwarves had known Thorin for long enough to realize that his heart had been caught by you, but you hadn’t. In truth, you were a little worried for the soon-to-be ‘King under the Mountain.’ He intrigued you; he seemed to talk less and think more than most of the other dwarves. And there were his good looks to consider. And his nice voice. And the way his eyes crinkled up at the edges as he spoke of Erebor. Okay who were you kidding? What you felt for their leader was far more than kinship. You had fallen for Thorin Oakenshield just as hard as he had for you, but neither of you knew. To make matters worse, you were far better at hiding your emotions from the rest of the company than he was, and so no one had picked up on your feelings. Except perhaps Gandalf, who kept this knowledge to himself and chose to see how things played out naturally. In time, he had promised himself, if you didn’t get together yourselves, he would give you a little nudge in the right direction.

The old wizard was silently smoking his pipe off to the corner, but when he noticed that no one else was replying to your question - a situation he found rather rude - he decided to speak up. “Why don’t you go and speak with him, mm?” His kindly voice rang clear through the camp and you instantly found your heart speeding up.

“Oh... yes...” you refrained from speaking too many words, fearing they might hear the nervousness in your voice. They did anyway. Dwalin, who was beside you, reached over and gently patted you on the shoulder. “I know he can be rather scary lass. If you prefer, one of us will go.”

“No-“ you spoke, almost too fast. “No... it’s fine, really. I should probably talk to him more anyways right?” You glanced around at the other dwarves, who all seemed to be giving each other knowing looks. “Right. Well, I’ll be going then.” You stood up awkwardly and gently smoothed down your clothing, wandering off in the direction Thorin had gone in.

Once you were out of their sight and they were sure you wouldn’t hear them, almost everyone around the fire began to chuckle. “Well.” Gandalf was the one to speak “I wonder what will happen.”

———

You found Thorin after a few minutes. Gently rubbing your arm, you tried to approach him silently but accidentally trod on a twig, making it snap. He spun around instantly, his hand flying to the hilt of the sword.

“Always battle ready.” You laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

“Oh, [y/n], it’s you.” His stance relaxed and his hand fell from his sword to his side, a light yet strained chuckle leaving his throat. You looked so beautiful in the firelight before, and now you looked beautiful in the pale moonlight. To him, there was no lighting that could make you unattractive.

“When you walked away… you seemed agitated... a-and I was worried- WE were worried!” You were making yourself more flustered by the minute, your cheeks heating up and becoming flushed. You could only hope that your embarrassment was hidden by the dim lighting. It wasn’t. A small smile began to play on Thorin’s lips, his eyes regaining a cheeky sparkle that he often had when teasing his nephews.

“You were worried about me?” He had picked up on the way you stumbled over your words, and damn his heart for beginning to hope that maybe, just maybe, the reason was similar to the reason why his heartbeat increased as he took a step towards you and closed the distance between your bodies. Curse his body for being so short; at least you were short for a human.

“Well……” the sudden intimacy of the situation had you momentarily stunned into silence, your [e/c] eyes were wider than usual as you gazed down at his unearthly handsome features. “… o-of course I was…” your voice was reduced to a slight whisper, for as close as he was you now knew there was no way he hadn’t noticed the raging blush adorned on your cheeks. Maybe it was the proximity, the adrenaline, or the fact that you’d been hiding incredibly strong feelings for this dwarf for weeks, but no matter what caused it, you suddenly felt a rush of courage. Before he could reply, you took a deep breath and closed the gap between the two of you further. You kissed him. It lasted a moment and felt wonderful, but the realization of what you had just done was sinking in far too quickly and you pulled back with a gasp.

He was looking up at you with his lips slightly parted and a look of sheer, unbridled shock on his face. If it wasn’t for the dread settling heavily in the pit of your stomach you would’ve found his expression funny, maybe even adorable, but not now.

Without giving him a moment to react, you turned and ran deeper into the forest.

———

Thorin was left alone, blinking. Almost without realizing he reached up and gently pressed his weather-worn fingertips to his mouth. He couldn’t believe what just happened. With a goofy smile on his face and his thoughts shooting off in all different directions, he began to follow you. He didn’t want you to get lost after all.

It didn’t take long for him to catch up with you, what with him being a trained warrior and your fitness level being hardly above average. You were leaning against a tree and heavy tears were rolling down your cheeks. In a moment of weakness you had given into your feelings. How stupid were you? Insecure thoughts flooded your brain and you couldn’t think straight. Blinking, your vision swam into focus and there he was, in all his fur covered glory.

“I-I’m sorry-“ you tried to speak through your tears, your struggles to remain calm causing you to start hiccupping. Your hands covered your face and you slid down the tree you were leaning against, curling up into a ball on the floor. “I-I.”

“[Y/n]” Thorin’s voice was calm. He had been ready to tease you gently about what had happened, but not with you like this. His amusement melted away into concern, and he crouched in front of you with his brows once again furrowed except for a different reason. “Please don’t cry.” A rough but gentle hand reached out and clasped at one of your wrists. “Please don’t hide, not from me.”

The tone of his voice and something about the way he was treating you had you peeking through your fingers, the tears momentarily stopping. “W-why-?” You whispered, your voice too shaky for you to get your words any louder.

Thorin, too, was nervous. This was a big step for him. Granted, the chance that he was misinterpreting your actions and reactions was very small, but it was still there, and if Thorin could ever be called a coward it would be in affairs of the heart. “Because.” He began, shuffling closer to you so that he could feel your laboured breath making his beard move, the hairs tickling his skin as they did. “I ... I love you, [y/n]. You do not need to be ashamed of the kiss, you mustn’t. I have been wishing for it.” It was out. By the time he finished speaking your eyes were just as wide as his had been after you kissed him. A moment passed and in that short time he too was beginning to feel the first stirrings of the same dread you had experienced, but then your slender arms were draped around his broad shoulders and you had pulled him into a tight hug, crying into his neck. “Thorin…... I love you too.”

———

It had taken a while for Thorin’s quiet words and gentle hands on your back to calm you down. The two of you shared a few more kisses too, considerably longer than the first one you had shared. Exhausted by your emotions, Thorin had convinced you to let him carry you back to the camp, though the idea had made your whole face burn red, not least from the thought that you might be too heavy for him. He had wasted no time reminding you that his armour and weapons combined probably weighed more than you did, and soon you were in his strong arms. By the time his feet had led him back to the fire, you were asleep in his arms, and the look of proud and unashamed joy on his face were enough to give the other members of the company a pretty good idea of what had happened. They would tease the two of you about it later, but for now, they would let him enjoy having you curled up on his lap peacefully. Who knew how many more happy nights they might have like this?


	2. Kili x Reader || Hunting Wound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Synopsis: Kili comes back from hunting with a small cut, which you end up tending to. As you do, he accidentally lets his feelings show.
> 
> Pairings: Kili x short!human reader
> 
> Warnings: none
> 
> Word count: 1314

If someone had asked you three months ago where you would be right now, you wouldn’t really have been able to give them a decent answer, but in the middle of some forest surrounded by thirteen dwarfs and a hobbit would have been the furthest answer from your mind. In truth, you actually weren’t surrounded by thirteen dwarves and a hobbit; there were only eleven dwarves, two were missing. Perhaps missing was the wrong word - both Kili and Fili had volunteered to go out hunting for that evening’s meal, giving some of the older dwarves a chance to rest properly. Thorin had been a little wary of letting them go alone, especially with all the evil things lurking around them, but the two had promised not to go far and Thorin trusted they would keep their word.

You were sat close to the fire. Having considerably less hair on your lithe form than any of the dwarves, the cold that settled in once night time arrived affected you more than any of the others. From across the fire your eyes met Thorin’s for a moment, and he offered you a small yet sincere smile before dropping your gaze and continuing his conversation with one of the other dwarves. It pained you to admit that you hadn’t quite managed to memorize all of their names yet, there were simply too many of them.

In the short time that you had been in their company, Thorin had decided he liked you. You were a gentle girl, yet you knew how to hold your own reasonably well in a fight. It had been Gandalf’s idea for you to travel with them, primarily as a healer. It was what you were good at, after all. Thorin had been opposed to it at first, but he soon warmed to you. You weren’t arrogant like many humans he had met, and in addition, your height was not as damaging to his pride as the height of many others of your kind was, for you reached a mere 4ft 11 inches and stood only 5 inches above the average height of a dwarf. The taller dwarves of the party were practically the same height as you.

In addition to all of this, his watchful eyes had noticed that Kili seemed to have feelings of affection towards you. It wasn’t just him who had noticed. The entire company seemed to have picked up on it except for you. You had noticed the strange glances and odd whispers, often accompanied by laughter or a pained gasp as Kili elbowed them in the ribs, but you were never sure what any of it meant. That is to say, you knew what you hoped they meant, but you didn’t dare let yourself believe in that hope. You had long ago given up hope of having your feelings for any man - or dwarf - returned, and why would someone as noble as Kili be interested in you?

Out on their hunt, Kili had already been directly teased by his brother Fili because of his “unbelievably massive crush on [y/n]” at least a hundred times and his patience was incredibly close to snapping. He was concentrating so hard on not letting his temper get the better of him (because he knew that would mean Fili would have the satisfaction of knowing how much he had annoyed him) that he didn’t notice a small tree root jutting out into his path. Fili, who was ahead, opened his mouth to warn him, just in case he was being careless.

“Kili”

“Yes?”

“Watch out for the-! Kili!” His warning had come too late. Kili had tripped over the root in question and had slammed his head into the ground. With a groan, he tried to stand but his limbs were shaky, and within seconds he had passed out.

Now, Fili was many things and did many things to his brother, but he was never intentionally cruel. Instead of taking Kili back unconscious and in a state which would certainly embarrass him in front of [y/n], he propped his brother against a tree trunk and finished the hunt himself. They returned together once Kili had regained consciousness and Kili’s eyes were more than expressive enough to let his brother know just how grateful he was for letting him wake up before they returned to the camp.

When they returned, all eyes were on them. Twelve pairs of eyes focused in on the rabbits Fili held in his hand. More than one stomach rumbled; they were hungry, but there was certainly meat enough to go around. Only one pair of eyes went to the injury on Kili’s forehead. The young dwarf hadn’t even realized he was visibly hurt.

“You are hurt.” You spoke softly and rose from your seat to make your way over to Kili, your face clearly showing your concern. Neither you nor Kili noticed how the others went silent and moved away from the pair of you, giving the scenario space to unfold naturally. Besides, they all wanted to watch you from a place where you wouldn’t realize you were being watched.

As you walked over, Kili felt his heart swell. In his eyes, you were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. In front of him, you reached up gingerly to move his hair away from his forehead so that you could get a better look at his wound before commanding him gently to sit so you could work. You missed the very audible gasp from behind you as you softly tucked Kili’s hair behind his ear, and you missed the way his cheeks burned brightly from under his stubble. You had forgotten how intimate dwarves viewed the act of touching one another’s hair.

Once he was settled you knelt before him, gently cleaning off the blood from around the cut. You noticed that it was smaller than you had originally thought- head wounds often tricked people into thinking they’re worse than they really are because they let out a lot of blood. Even so, you wanted to thoroughly clean the wound to prevent infection from occurring. If you failed in your task and Kili grew sick, you knew you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself.

As you worked, Kili took the opportunity to shamelessly stare at your face since you were far too concentrated to notice. He took in the way the firelight danced over your features and for the first time in a long while, he felt truly nervous. An idea had popped into his head and now, having entertained the thought, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to hold himself back. His heart hammered against his chest so loud he thought you would hear, and quite suddenly he leaned in to close the gap between you, surprising even himself.

You suddenly felt something soft against your lips, yet rough surrounding, and warm, wonderfully warm. You blinked and pulled back, confused for a moment as to what had just happened before you realized - Kili just kissed you. From behind you there were loud cheers and you looked down, your cheeks burning red as you shyly reached your fingertips up to press them to your lips.

Kili felt like he was ready for the ground to swallow him up. He had been expecting disgust, rejection, perhaps even a slap to his face, but that wasn’t what he had received. Instead you had been surprised and from your sweet reaction he even let his heart hope that you were pleasantly surprised.

“[y-y/n]” He stammered, trying to remain manly throughout the situation. “After... after my wound is tended to, please...please would you let me braid your hair?” The question was hesitant and nervous, yet the smile that blossomed across your face was more than enough to reassure him.

“Sure, I’d like that.”


	3. Beorn x Reader || Oh Honey Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: This is set when the company takes shelter in Beorn's home, and the skin changer takes a liking to a certain member of the company. (Spoiler alert, it's you). 
> 
> Warnings: none
> 
> Word count: 1462

Being the only human in the company, you valued any alone time you could get, and the adrenaline rush you’d just received running not only from Azog but a giant fucking bear meant you definitely weren’t sleeping any time soon. That’s how you found yourself thoroughly content exploring the House you’d found yourself in, surrounded by 13 sleeping dwarves, a wizard, and a hobbit. 

Maybe exploring a home when the host wasn’t present - and quite likely didn’t want you there at all - was rude, but you figured that so long as you didn’t break anything and you didn’t move anything from its proper place there was no harm in it. Besides, this was your precious alone time and you were going to do whatever you damn well wanted to do.

As a trained healer and avid amateur baker, supply cupboards intrigued you and so those where what you explored first. This house’s layout and furnishings made you feel tiny - a strange sensation after traveling for weeks with incredibly muscular but incredibly short dwarves (and an even shorter hobbit.)

Upon opening the first cupboard, you came face to face with the biggest jar of sugar you’d ever seen. You blinked, wondering how big your host truly was (and how big was his appetite.) There were several other jars on that same shelf, and you stuck your arms out to root around and satisfy your curiosity. 

“Hmm.... jam. Strawberry or ...?” It didn’t say on the label. You took a moment to glance around, looking incredibly shifty and suspicious, and when you noticed everyone was still sleeping you quietly unscrewed the lid and dipped a clean finger into the red mixture. You tasted it with a wrinkled nose and quickly screwed the lid back on. Whatever flavour it was, it was too sweet for you. No doubt it would taste better on toast. 

You put that jar back carefully where you found it and dragged another to the front of the shelf. 

“Honey?” 

You loved honey, and were just about to pop the lid off the jar when you heard a noise outside the cabin. It made you jump and you almost knocked the jar of honey to the floor but luckily it was too heavy for your flailing hand to budge. 

You hurried to close the cupboard and dive back to your bedroll before you could be caught snooping by who you assumed was your host. You hadn’t realised how tired you were and now that the adrenaline rush had worn off you were asleep in mere minutes. 

A soft buzzing noise woke you the next morning and you opened your eyes to see the biggest bee you’d ever seen hovering just above your nose. You gasped but stayed still, not wanting to get stung accidentally. Once the bee moved away you sat up and stretched; all the other members of the company seemed to have already woken up and had left their bedrolls. What you didn’t notice was a set of dark eyes watching you from the shadows. 

Blinking away sleep, you ran your fingers through your hair in an attempt to tame it and as you did you noticed another buzzing sound, but this buzzing wasn’t as constant and sounded distressed. Glancing around, your eyes found another giant bee on the floor. This one was clearly suffering and you felt your heart squeeze in your chest. As a healer, you hated seeing any living creature in pain.

“Oh dear... what are you supposed to do with dying bees...?” You muttered to yourself, wracking your tired brain for an answer until you suddenly remembered. 

“Ahah!” Scrabbling to your feet you made a bee-line (shoot me) to the cupboard you’d been looking in the night before. Flinging open the door, your hands firmly gripped the giant jar of honey and you opened it. Forgetting your manners once again, you dipped two fingers into the golden liquid and scooped some out. You screwed the lid back on awkwardly with one hand, all the while trying not to drip honey onto the floor. 

Clambering over several empty bedrolls, you made your way back to your own bedroll where the struggling bee was still making a fuss.

Carefully and slowly you moved your fingers closer and closer to the bee - you still didn’t want to get yourself stung by the extra-large stinger. After a moment the bee seemed to notice the honey and it stopped its frantic buzzing to shuffle across the tiny distance from where it was to where your honey coated fingers were. 

The bee ate the honey off of your fingers and you focused on keeping your hand as still as possible. Once the bee had eaten enough to get its strength back, it flapped its wings a few times experimentally before lifting off into the air. You smiled brightly and began to lick the remaining honey off your fingers. Your eyes slid shut and you hummed in delight, only to snap your eyes open when the buzzing sound of the bees suddenly grew a lot louder.

There were at least 10 bees buzzing around your head, each one bumping into you occasionally as if they were drunk, but it seemed almost ... affectionate?

“They like you, little flower.” A deep, unknown voice made you freeze. In your peripheral vision you saw a massive hand gently shooing the insects away from you and you felt your shoulders hunch as you instinctively made yourself smaller. 

“U-uhm... hello...” you pretty much squeaked, not moving from your position as the owner of the hand slowly moved to a place where you could see him. He was huge. Massive. Gigantic. Enormous. You were snapped out of your thoughts by the man talking once again.

“I have already met the rest of your company, but you I see are not a dwarf … or a hobbit… or a wizard.” He continued, his voice slow and unhurried and you couldn’t quite prevent the shy, fluttering heat building in the pit of your stomach as he spoke. 

He leisurely crouched down, hands on his knees, till his face was almost level with yours - though he was still a little taller even in that position. 

“So, who are you, little bee keeper?” He seemed amused and though he was gigantic he seemed friendly enough, so you just about managed to find the courage to reply.

“I’m… [y-y/n] … human, n-nice to meet you.” You were about to offer your hand in a polite shake when you suddenly found two big hands around your waist and with an embarrassing squawk you were suddenly placed on a very, very broad shoulder. As he carried you outside - with you clinging tightly to his head for fear of falling - he continued talking completely normally (as if he hadn’t just scooped you up from your very comfortable place on your bedroll and plopped you on a very precarious position.)

“I am Beorn the skin changer.” You squinted as you were suddenly out in the open and once your eyes adjusted you saw the rest of the company already outside, gawking at you. You waved awkwardly. 

“You should have introduced this one first, wizard. I like this little bee keeper the best, they have a pure heart.” The company, knowing you well, couldn’t disagree with him. In fact, they all started offering instances where you’d proven yourself to be an incredibly caring, thoughtful individual. 

As sweet as that was, you couldn’t help but notice you were still on Beorn’s shoulder and on top of that, the skin-changer seemed to have absolutely no intention of putting you down. 

“E-excuse me?” You asked, but over the cacophony of dwarvish voices you could hardly be heard. You tried again, but still no one paid attention to you. Considering they were literally talking about how wonderful they thought you were, this only made you more frustrated than you otherwise would be. 

You’d finally had enough, and so you wrapped your hands around a big chunk of the skin-changer’s hair and prepared to give it a firm tug, only to notice that the entire company had suddenly fallen silent. The dwarves were all open mouthed and staring at your hands. You looked from them to your hands and slowly let go of Beorn’s hair, unsure as to why your action should warrant that type of response. 

Beorn, however, had slowly begun to laugh - a deep, rich laugh that matched him completely. He turned his head a little and lowered his voice to speak to you in a manner that was almost conspiratorial. 

“I may not care much for dwarvish customs, little bee-keeper, but I believe in the eyes of your company… we are now engaged.”


End file.
